angkinabuhi

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

the rain in my heart

whenever it rains very hard,
it makes my day feel very glad
i can't play games under the sun
but in the rain falling in my arms.

they fall like teardrops from my dear face
and fall into something near my dry place,
droplets and droplets they go astray
singing a sweet song day by day.

it's really fun to run and run
playing with soil and making a toy gun
hopping and jumping away i go
waiting for the sun to come, and go.

the smile you gave me day by day
makes me feel real happy and gay;
i laugh and laugh all day long
and i don't want anything but your sweet song.

oh rain! oh rain! please don't go away
you make my day really happy and gay
'coz it's fun to be with whenever you stay
and makes my teardrops being washed away.

every time you say goodbye,
it makes my teardrops fall from my eye
i love your tender thunder and lightning
which makes my heart full of loving.

now you're gone and the rainbow will come
the flowers will bloom and your tears will be done
i would miss you a lot my only one
'coz you're in my heart and makes my day fun.

and when in the night i look at the sky
there's something there that i can't deny
i really miss you my best friend ever
and i'll always remember you forever and ever.

every time i think of you
i would open the window and wait for you,
until my tears will fall down from me
i cry and cry forever it will be.

but when i realize that now you're gone
i go to my mother and say "my best friend is gone"
now i know you live very far apart
you'll always be forever the rain in my heart.

(my very first poem ever written... i was twelve then. it was raining and i hid myself under the table inside the classroom.)
posted by angkinabuhi at 9:58 AM 0 comments

A research adventure






I have always dreamed of flying. I wanted to see the beauty of nature from a bird's eye view and explore the wonders of the earth. On December break, I was asked to partake in a school research about ARSP (agrarian reform support project) to a few upland communities in Negros occidental. When I first knew about it, I was really excited. The fact that i am going to ride on a plane for the first time, it will surely make my trip a more exciting one.

The weather was not that friendly, I thought there was a typhoon since it was raining very hard. There was zero visibility as what the pilot said. it was a bumpy ride, but I enjoyed it the way I enjoy a roller coaster ride. as i peep through the window, it seems as if I am looking at the world through Google earth. Funny though because I felt like I’m in heaven when I see nothing but white. I told myself "this is the life I've always dreamed of, at peace with the world and myself." it supposed to be a twenty minute ride but we arrived at the airport almost an hour. Well, thank goodness we arrived safe and sound because a few of the passengers were pretty scared. Their faces looked blank, their eyes wandering through the clouds. If I could read their minds their probably asking,”will we make it to Bacolod?” I made a grin and talked to myself again- “this is going to be an adventure I’ll never forget, Negros here I come!”
I thought I was gonna flew off with the umbrella as the wind blew me away when if first took a step at the airport. What a relief! I saw people welcoming me with a smile even if they were not smiling at me. We headed straight to silay as if shared my amusing story with my teacher. I bet she was mesmerized by the thought that I was having a great time in a quite scary flight. We discussed about the places to go, what to do and what not to do. I was listening, nodding my head as to what she was saying but honestly, my mind was wandering. I can't wait to go to the mountain barangays and see the hidden beauty of nature from my view. As I was busy talking and looking at the green scenery, I’ve come up with a title not about the research but of my great adventure there. And I called it, my Negros escapade.
San Carlos city was our first stop. It’s not the typical city as I expected it to be- calm and quiet. it looks as if I’m in my hometown in liloan. We finally met marriane, a student I’ll be working with the faculty research. Well, it was my first time to work with someone whom I hardly know. Yet, I was amazed by how both our personalities collided. I not just met a student, but I met a wonderful friend in her. The whole adventure was a venue for us to get to know each other well. Since then on, I call her Jollibee baby because she doesn't get tired of dining at that food chain. I also met kuya nelson who was kind enough to drive us throughout our trip.

The weather was not a hindrance for us to do the research. It even made the trip more challenging. Unfortunately, we were not able to go to brgy. puey. It flooded in the area and we might end up floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Since there are many agrarian reform communities in San Carlos city, we got a couple of options- brgy bagonbon and codcod are two of the barangays having benefited from the agrarian support project. However, the rain even got worse, so we headed back to San Carlos city and stayed at our teacher's place. In fact, her family was accommodating and heartwarming. Her father reminded us to be careful since insurgency is present in the upland communities of San Carlos city. Why should I be afraid? As a matter of fact, I’m one of their kind. (hahaha)

The following day, we planned out where to go. brgy bagonbon was first on our list. We had a two hour ride on a rough and rugged road. When we got there, we interviewed a few officials since the brgy. Captain was in the city. I could feel the cool breeze embracing me along with the smell of fried fish early in the morning. We took a few pictures of the area for documentation as well. Afterwards, we headed to our next stop- brgy. codcod. Along the way, I have realized that despite the project's vision of a transformed agrarian reform community, the program has not achieved its purpose. On brgy. bagonbon's case, the agrarian reform beneficiaries are left nothing with a broken vow; broken promise of a productive and fertile land. Until now, they have not received land titles and they do not even have a registered people's organization. What surprised me was the kind of life that the folks lived by- a life of simplicity and contentment where they are able to smile despite a hard day's work in the farmland.

On the other hand, brgy codcod has a different story. On our way there, the beautiful mountains and terraces amazed me. I saw a few people walking on barefoot with logs in their heads, a man enjoying his ride on a carabao, two lovely old couple cutting the weeds and children soaking wet in the river- with adorable smiles tattooed on their faces. The cool breeze warms my heart with calmness and serenity where I’m able to find solace. This is nature at its best that definitely astonished a young lad like me. Just imagine how wonderful life can be if spent with appreciation and solitude. Amazing, huh...
brgy. codcod is one of the remarkable places I’ve been to. The climate is freezing cold-just imagine yourself locked in a fridge for a day. The land is fertile and as such, they have plenty of agricultural products present in the area. We were able to obtain pertinent data relevant for our research. The councilors were really friendly and they allowed us to have a little tour around barangay codcod. They showcased their farm equipments that were provided by the project years ago as well as the products abundant in the area. They have well managed the infrastructures that they have received and took the effort of continuing the project's objective. Well, if not of the ARBs initiative and desire to uplift their situation, they would not reach that far. They continue to adhere in implementing the program that was left at hand.

When I was a child, I wondered how soft the clouds can be. Well I’ve realized that clouds are not what it seems to be. We think too much about how to help people who are in need and find ways of providing programs and services that could benefit them. We envision a future full of hope and optimism, yet we hardly realize that we're unable to put into action what we truly aim for. We end up losing control and ignoring what seems to be the issue. Security of land tenure is what all farmers dream of. They have worked hard enough to till the land they are occupying and momentarily, able to own it. For more than fifteen years of the project's establishment, it seems to me that it never existed at all. They started it but, never took time of assessing nor monitoring the project's shortcomings. As for me, the government took them for granted. its just the usual scenario that I have observed with people in the government trying hard to provide services to the marginalized sector of society. “Well, are they?” probably, fifteen years is not enough to fulfill their vision, they probably need more ample time for us to see what they can do.

I could say that we all live in different environments in different situations and both barangays allowed us to see two different worlds apart from the world that we were born with.

posted by angkinabuhi at 9:56 AM 0 comments

urban poor situation: a closer look

Force eviction and distant relocation are a few of the issues faced by the urban poor sector. Republic Act 7279, an act to provide for a Comprehensive and continuing Urban Development and Housing Program, presents an evident definition of the urban poor as the people in urban areas who are without houses and whose income falls within the poverty threshold set by the government.
As I see it, they are slum dwellers or squatters congested in slum areas hoping to find better opportunities in the urban community. They migrate to the city for better living and employment and opt to uplift their economic situation. For the fact that they had no security of land tenure, they chose to congest in roads, bridges, river banks and tried to live a normal life- far better than the kind of life they had in their provinces. On the other hand, the government finds ways to diminish such problem. Demolition and force evictions are the primary means of dealing with the issue where lives are put at stake. The destruction brought about by the crashing and thumping of the houses creates emotional anxiety to affected families. The government provides social programs and services to urban poor families and offer relocation sites. With an objective of providing decent homes to the homeless and ensuring security of land tenure, availability of decent housing at affordable cost, basic services, and employment opportunities are the focal point of the program. In most cases, the government offers relocation sites far from the metropolis. This in fact, brings the families from a bad to a worse scenario where tomorrow brings them no assurance of living a satisfying life. Some of the families prefer not to stay in the site. Aside from the additional burden of transportation expenses, basic social services are unavailable due to problems in ease of access. Living in a new environment would mean starting up a new life, finding another job and setting new goals. It seems quite tough to manage since adjustment and adaptation are few of the concerns. I believe that the government is trying to be of assistance to the urban poor but I just can’t understand why their programs are in a way, too superficial to handle. This is one example of the government’s program to the urban poor sector. See for yourself and try to uncover the real story behind the displaced urban poor families.
posted by angkinabuhi at 9:51 AM 0 comments

“Why I love SWU, Let me count the Ways”











As I look up the sky, watched the clouds glaze upon me and breathed fresh breezy air, I wondered if I’d last another semester here. Would I make it that far?

It was three years ago when I first took a step in Southwestern University’s territory. I could still remember my first day in class when I sat at the farthest chair without a paper or a pen. I was just staring at everyone’s face, with a mind as blank as a wall. I was hesitant to interact and mingle with new faces. I hardly talk to the person next to me. I kept asking myself if I’ve decided the right thing- if I’ve chosen the right path. Adapting to a new environment was definitely tough. The fact that a university is a whole lot different from my former school, I certainly was overwhelmed by fear. I was moved away by my narrow-mindedness, by my indifference. I ended up getting myself into a big mess. Unfortunately, my student life came to a poignant ending.

Three years was long enough for me to find what I really wanted in life. It was a learning experience that made me realize the significance of thinking about the future and moving on with the past. Coming back was not an easy thing. It took me countless sleepless nights to decide on getting back to school. At the back of my head, I feared that I might not be accepted at all. Well, I took the brave stride of stepping back again in SWU’s grounds. With just a welcoming smile from the CAS secretary, my heart was filled with gladness. A smile reassured me that my future is safe here. It’s just so amazing how people make you feel blissful and warm as if you never even left. I told myself that I will make it till the end of the school year. Besides, I only got a few more days to go before classes end. I will indeed miss out the long tiring walk from AS building towards ABA for my next class. Who wouldn’t forget the crowded EDP and accounts section during exam week with frowns and grins tattooed on impatient students’ faces, waiting in line to pay their tuition fees? What about the enjoyment of shouting and cheering in support of our respective departments during Siglakas’ fun filled activities? I bet you’d get irritated at times with the thumping of the ground when Maritime students march down the hallway. But it sure is fun looking at them as synchronized as they could be in every move they make. I would miss the queasiness that I feel as I hop in on the elevator along with kuya who has been so kind to get all students to where they wanted. I’d miss hanging out at the eerie restroom on 7th floor that scares the hell out of me while spending time chitchatting with friends. And of course, I’ll always cherish the moment of sipping hot noodle that warms my tummy right after a stressful class on a rainy day; the leaves that fall upon my delicate face as I walk right across Ucafe. It does feels like springtime in June. I adore the steady balete tree that has lived for years. Its calming branches shelter the cramming diligent students on finals week. I will always be grateful with the friendships I’ve gained that taught me how to appreciate life more. What I admire about it is that whatever color, social class, religion or race you come from, SWU offers equal opportunities to all students. Above all, the greatest thing that I learned is to value people. Despite the things I’ve done there are people willing to support and accept me for the person that I am. Beyond doubt, it inspired me to do better the second time.

I returned, and I stayed. One school year might sound too short for me, but my whole experience here is truly remarkable. I’m proud to say that Southwestern University helped me find myself. This haven made me whole again. I was able to find my dreams and got myself back on track. Vince Lombardi once said that “a man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done." Needless to say, it doesn’t matter if you’ve made a mess out of your life. It doesn’t matter if you have ceased to keep time from ticking for a moment. It doesn’t matter if in a few chapters of your life, you gave up and stopped the world from turning. What matters is you learned from your mistake and you’re decisive to mend things and do better the second time around. It is giving the best out of what you got and believing that you can make a change. School is sweeter the second time around I guess. But one thing is for sure, I am committed to excel and I found that commitment here. Well, why do I love Southwestern University? I believe I don’t need to count the ways. Uncover it yourself and be captivated…

posted by angkinabuhi at 9:47 AM 0 comments

Family Court Hearing: A Reflection


The family is the basic unit of society. It is the foundation of one’s being and what he becomes as an adult. Witnessing a family court hearing was one way of showing me what it’s like in the real world. It was my first time to attend and be able to get inside a court room. I was keen enough to observe and listen to what the lawyers and respondents were saying. I was astonished about the case that I witnessed because the issue was a wife asking for a protection order against her husband. Well, why would she do that? A cross examination took place despite the absence of the respondent. A couple of questions were asked. The witness would answer in a collected manner even though a few of them were quite too personal. She was reiterating what her husband has done to the family for several years and how he has made her life restless. I wondered why she would file a case now, where in fact it happened nine years ago. Why now? If you value the family, why would someone want to imprison the person she promised to spend the rest of her life with? Why ruin the relationship of the family? That’s the irony of things; people can be ridiculous when they’re taken over by their emotions. I just don’t understand why couples who vow to take care of each other would only break up in the end. If the marriage can be saved and things can still be settled, then talk it over. Open communication is important in every relationship, it is essential in putting back together the shattered promises. Take into account the benefit of your children; they would suffer twice the pain that both parents feel. Well, you wouldn’t want to do that.
After a while the witness was hysterical. She was crying and was pointing her finger to the lawyer who was a resemblance of her hated husband. Everybody was laughing and joking around. But as I paid attention to her, listened to her sentiments and all her reasons; I saw my mother’s eyes in her. Everything that had happened about my parents’ separation flashed back. A memory that I never wanted to think about just came through me. Unknowingly, I was bothered and saddened by her story. I saw in the witness’ eyes the pain and the hurt that my mother felt when my father went away. It was moving and heart throbbing. It took a while for me to get back on what was happening inside the court room.

I’ve always wanted to become a lawyer. I wanted to uphold truth, justice and love. When my father left us seventeen years ago, I hated him so much that I told myself; someday I’m going to make his life miserable. I’m gonna let him pay for all the pain that he brought to the family especially to my mother, sue him for abandonment and incarcerate him for life. I thought that becoming a lawyer was the only way to make everything fair enough for us because I felt so left out and betrayed. I realized that revenge is not the answer to diminish the pain that I felt. Despite of it all, I love my father and I care so much about him. He’s the only man that I’ve ever loved in my entire life and it breaks my heart to see him suffer. I have forgiven him a long time ago.
It made me realize that I still want to become a lawyer after all, not because I hated my father but because it is my desire to uplift truth, justice and love. My father has always dreamt of me becoming a prominent lawyer and I want him to be proud of me someday.

I believe that every one of us wouldn’t want to see their families get hurt. Each of us dreams of having a family living harmoniously and peacefully where one finds comfort, acceptance and love. We aspire to live a blissful life, put up a family that we can call a home. With everything that the world offers, it would be us who decides what we become in the end. We are endowed with freewill, and we should live out according to what this world needs, as to what is essential in this life.
posted by angkinabuhi at 9:42 AM 0 comments

Monday, May 11, 2009

room for rent

When I stepped out of the door, the sun’s UV rays swiftly touched my skin like a wind whispering to me. With one hand protecting my eyes against the harmful light, sweat droops down like morning dew. Its terrible heat made me feel drowsy and yawning was the only way to ease the sleepiness that I felt. I walked along the narrow and winding road of Urgello; in a quest for a nice and comfy pad where I can call my “third home.” I never thought it could be this exhausting and grueling. Well, I managed to bear a painful back and an aching leg just to find one that suits me.

Stray dogs welcome me to every house that I go to. Bystanders politely answer every question I ask from them. I’ve searched all corners of Urgello to find a place away from the noisy honking of all sorts of vehicles. I have strolled long enough to search for one single room away from the crowded and busy street in the heart of the city. Would someone believe that I could find one?

I have decided to move out and leave home. I have thought about it a thousand times and I’ve come to realize that at my age, I should do things my way. It’s about time that I think about myself and take responsibility of living on my own- of taking charge with my boring yet satisfying life. At the back of my head, I can’t help but ask “will I be able to handle it? Am I mature enough to manage my time, my chores, my studies and my future work all at the same time?” Gracious God, help me!! Where do I start?

My mind tells me to go but my heart tells me to wait. What’s more, I look forward to start a new chapter in my life and create another wonderful experience. I can’t wait to meet new friends and unravel another journey in my adult existence. I know it’s not easy, but it will help me to become mature, responsible and prepare myself for an opportunity yet to be accomplished.

Indeed, moving out is one tough thing that a person has to deal with. It is a part of one’s young adult life of exploring the world away from home- away from our comfort zones. We may seem to worry and doubt that we might not cope with life’s battles and adversities alone. We may feel restless to finally stand up and take control, but we have to be patient and enduring and take things one step at a time.

Looking for one nice room is just the start. It’s just the beginning of my quest in facing life’s challenges all by myself. My story has just begun…

posted by angkinabuhi at 11:46 AM 0 comments

Sunday, May 10, 2009

“A smile is a reflection of an inner pain, pain that no one sees nor hears but only the heart could understand.”

A man was dancing to the beat of “electric dreams” and with all his might, he was swaying his hips, lifting his hands in the air, intently counting and murmuring 8, 7, 6, 5… His eyes were looking straight forward with eyebrows crossed; in full concentration to perfect his dance moves. As I saw his body sway, his arms lifted up high and shirt soaked in sweat under the steady heat of the sun, I was moved by his piteous face. One can barely notice how he was giving his best shot to make no mistake despite the fact that he is not endowed with the gift of dancing. It was heartbreaking and compelling. Yet, as I took a closer glimpse of him, I saw happiness in his eyes. His smile apparently showed calmness and bliss.
Imagine walking past police officers in a secured and tight area along with guns on their side; standing in front a humongous railing and eyes fixed at all men wearing orange. Men who call themselves as inmates- with counts of multiple murder, rape, homicide, illegal possession of drugs and everything you could think of. Imagine men and women, all with the same shirt and sneakers who spend four hours every day to practice varied dance steps and showcase their talents in front of people from different cultures and races all over the world. These men offer an hour and a half of their time to entertain the crowd and cheer up a multitude. An applause from the audience motivates them to perform well. All you could hear are the sounding laughs and cheers of inmates and viewers shared in one single arena.
About fifteen hundred men danced before me. But that one man inspired me and moved me. That single man made me believe that there’s hope, that there is life out there waiting to be embraced. You can still do something out of your life regardless of the offense one has committed. Even if society condemned these men of committing heinous and dreadful crimes, it did not stop them from believing. It did not stop them from looking at life with a peaceful heart full of hopefulness and optimism. In a way, dancing not only showcased their talents but it transformed their lives and their whole being. I know how much these men have worked hard enough to clear their names; how much effort they have buckled down of getting back their reputation and dignity. In the face of all these, their heads are held up high with confidence and assurance that life doesn’t end within the four corners of those steel railings. It made me realize that one single chance can make a difference. One chance is a lifetime of putting back together what has been destroyed and starting up a new.
I wonder what his life story could be. I wonder what all these men conceal underneath their smiles, beneath their eyes...
My CPDRC experience was astounding. The inmates made our country proud. I suppose that I’m not the only person who look up to these men, the whole world does.
posted by angkinabuhi at 9:16 PM 0 comments